| glenn beck |
[Aug. 19th, 2009|05:46 pm] |
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start rant. i hate glenn beck. he's a nutbag. so far 20 of his corporate sponsors have pulled their commercials from his timeslot and people are bitching about censorship. that is not censorship, its called not getting what you paid for and returning it. they thought they were sponsoring a sane person and they have realized they were advertising with a madman so they pulled their products. i'm tired of hearing people complain. i'd like to see john q conspiracy theorist flush millions of dollars down the toilet. not censorship, it's capitalism. end rant. |
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| love me squidbitch |
[Aug. 18th, 2009|04:05 am] |
“You squamous rickety fuck!” She yelled it in a way only a drunken mother could; vulgar and wet like the pubic patch of her second hand thrift store panties. She needed it like a goldfish needed water. She was desperate enough to even test that metaphor. Ramon Marsh was the last gill dicked bastard she had fucked way back when. That was the handful of times until she got knocked up with little Herman. Then Ramon skipped town and vanished into the abyss. Not to return until Herman’s eighth birthday, without so much as a casual hello in between. Her mind and loins had a fierce confrontation; A showdown between maternal hate instincts and insidious carnal desperation. In the end, she fucked him, or more honestly, let him fuck her. She even did the dirty stuff. Face sitting, cornholing, degenerate acts of consensual delight. She sucked the webbing oh his hands and toes. He ate her out as she moaned to Dagon. He tugged on her sunset colored hair as his eight tentacled cock tickled her cervix. He pulled out and inked on her face. He didn’t want to risk filling her womb with a school of young. He cleaned himself up but left her face smeared like running mascara. On the way out, Ramon told Herman he would see him the next day, perhaps a trip to the zoo. But Herman wouldn’t see him for another eight years, not until the stars were right again. Not until his little brother Bernhard’s eighth birthday.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 13th, 2009|05:14 pm] |
so i have this livejournal that i do nothing with. i never post anything. i just add more porn to my friends list. that seems wasteful somehow.
i'm recently single, still don't know what to do about it. i'm sick right now. pink eye. seriously. i'm allergic to my friends cats and my eyes always bother me around them. so retard that i am, i pet the cats then when my eyes get itchy i rub them. so of course my eyes get all bulgy and gross.
i've been nauseous for about three months now. drink half a bottle of pepto a day. blarg.
been procrastinating with everything. been putting off writing a puppet show with my friend. been putting off scripting the radio play. been putting off the mockumentary about making said puppet show and radio play. getting internet back has been nothing but bad for me. i do nothing but look at porn, play video games, and watch big brother after dark. yeah. sad huh? |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 23rd, 2008|02:45 am] |
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the whole of human experience is being disappointed and learning to live with it - me |
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| im fucking tired |
[Aug. 4th, 2007|10:46 pm] |
i spent the better part of the day cleaning an apartment that was inhabited by a gypsy. she would put one of her many cats into the freezer to lower its core body temperature and to make its reaction time slow. she would then fuck the near dead animal with a small strap-on. near necro-beastiality.
this was the only possible explanation i could find for having copious amounts of cat hair in your freezer.
the place is slowly getting clean. soon....... soon i will have a lair of my own. and, you know the too other people who are moving in with me. |
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| flash fiction is fun |
[Aug. 3rd, 2007|01:05 am] |
quickie fiction for this based on a postcard:
He wept openly, his coworkers sat puzzled as to what in his lunch had upset him so much. 'Guess What!' the postcard said with a picture joke about cats having kittens. He took a moment and straightened himself up. He put down the postcard a moment and picked up the lab results to make sure he had read them right. No. It was all there in a word: Infertile. She didn‘t know about the test though. He could live with this, right? “You okay Frank?” asked a coworker. “Sure,” he said. “I’m gonna be a father.” And he flashed a smile that he could only maintain for a single moment before it crawled away.
© me yadda yadda yadda 2007 |
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| heh. |
[Jul. 19th, 2007|06:11 pm] |
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| i wrote this |
[Jul. 11th, 2007|03:23 pm] |
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"Psycho-Saurus-Sexual actually. It's amazing. We use sensory deprivation and telepathy to regress back to bisexual amphibious life forms and mate on the astral plane. You'd love it," she said, looking truly happy.
the rest here sign up and shit, we'll have more soon. |
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| true story swear to god. |
[Jun. 26th, 2007|02:49 pm] |
so this creepy guy i work with whispers for me to come over. I walk over to him and he leans toward me, "watch the men's room, tell me if there's a kid in there."
"okay?" i say back, confused.
I walk over to the water fountain and take a drink, then releasing the water, listen hard. Silence. I walk back to my coworker, "i don't hear anything."
He leans in, "i went in there, and some guy was on the floor of the stall naked."
My eyes and ears widen. "Okay?"
"I think he was masturbating."
"Great," I say, thinking i might have to clean it up.
"Wait," i think out loud. "what about a kid?"
"I think he might have a kid in there," he said, dead serious.
OH MY FUCKING GOD. My heart starts pumping and now I'm getting a little freaked. I hadn't considered having to kill someone when i woke up this morning.
"Go in there and see," he says. "he already saw me."
So what the fuck? I go. I open the door and immediatly see a really fucking tall black dude over the stall door. He looks me in the eye, and I give that 'hey-we-are-guys-in-the-mens-room-respect-nod'. I walk to the sink and start washing my hands.
Then I see it. In the mirror, on the floor, under the stall... knees. He's standing there in front of the closed stall door, and there is someone kneeling in front of him. I dry my hands and get the fuck out of there.
"Well?" i get asked.
"There's two guys in there having gay sex," I whisper.
I just kinda assumed since the legs looked kinda manly.
My one coworker turns bright red with controlled laughter. I am white as a ghost, considering I almost saw what I thought to be child rape.
So the coworker who pointed it out to me, decides to go back in and break it up. He steps in for a minute, everyone is quiet.
A moment later, the massive black dude and some ugly ass woman walk out, highly embarassed.
"I'm cutting you a break here," my coworker says. "I'm not usually this nice."
They leave and my coworker goes upstairs to tell the boss. I think for a moment, and decide on the next course of action:
"I need a goddamn cigarette." |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2007|04:36 pm] |
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this is bullshit when did law become more about morality and less about actual justice? we can't catch osama bin fucking laden or OJ god damned simpson but a 26 year old teacher and a 16 year old guy can't fuck? i'm sick of these stories. where are the stories about the little girls and the teachers? are those not important anymore? can we as a society just be honest and admit that a 16 year old boy is most likely not being forced into a sexual relationship with a hot older woman? i know that that's a double standard but seriously IT'S FUCKING TRUE. |
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| YAY! |
[Jun. 11th, 2007|01:52 pm] |
I cannot fucking wait for this
Warren Ellis' Planetary series is like a love letter to comics, sci fi, and human potential. And I am hella happy that, even though it's finished, there's still an epilogue issue. In fact, I'd be fine with the issue even if he doesn't answer any loose ends. I really just love it when Warren Ellis goes crazy with near future tech and futurism. The man makes me think and that's all that really matters.
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| nice |
[Jun. 8th, 2007|03:58 pm] |
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lordcrotch's journal
